RESCUED!

Dear Calvin,

You may have heard of our good fortune - that Hector and I managed to escape from the Fort Erie Animal Shelter through your ingenious plans.  Those smuggled cans of Sloppy Joe mixture and black beans helped us to make the hugest explosion when the guard lit his cigarette - BLAM!  It smelled awful in there, but all the 4Legs in there escaped from the prison cells, with the guard screaming and the Wiener 4legs running everywhere.  (Editor:  read about the escape HERE:  JAILBREAK BLAMED ON SLOPPY JOES).

But now Hector and I are wandering the mean streets of this place OldMan calls Fort Erie.  

I can’t find him anywhere. 

Hector keeps telling me that I maybe I should move on, that maybe I’ll never find OldMan. 

Maybe I never will ever see him again.  But I have to try.  Things just haven’t been the same since he left, since other 2Legs carried him out one day.  He smelled sick or something and wasn’t moving. 

I have to find him and be with him.  Even if I gave him a hard time, he always gave me hugs and kisses and anything he thought I wanted.  Probably I shouldn’t have bitten his big butt so much or run away and laughed at him when he called.  Maybe I should have brought back the ball at least ONE time.

I hope it’s not too late.

It’s good that Hector can read the strange marks that 2Legs make.  He’s much smarter than I am.  He tells me jokes all the time (I don’t really understand them).

A little while ago we were creeping through the alleyways down near Jarvis Street, trying to find food and stay safe.

“Arthur!” shouted Hector.  “Look!  I think we’ll be okay!”

“Why?”

“Because I see a sign that says AIREDALE RESCUE SOCIETY up ahead!  That means someone is there to help us!”

We went closer to the place.  Of course, I couldn’t read the sign (I failed every class I ever went to and was banned from all Obedience Classes everywhere after that one thing I did).  But something seemed both wonderful and terrible about the place at the same time.

Inside the building there were some muffled sounds that didn’t sound right.  But…the place SMELLED SO GOOD.

I was confused.  Yet I was drawn to the door, almost as if an invisible force was pulling me there.

THAT SMELL…SO GOOD but something wrong with it as well.

I stepped up to the open door, sniffing.  So good.  Soooo good…but something…wrong…

“Arthur, STOP!  There’s another sign inside the building!  IT SAYS SAUSAGE FACTORY!  Run!  It’s not a real Rescue Place!

Strong hands grabbed me and dragged me in as I snarled and bit anything touching me.

ESCAPE FROM DOG HELL (1)

Dear Calvin,

When I woke up after the 2Legs hit me in the face with a stick, I was lying on my side in a cage.  My mouth was dry, except for the coppery taste of blood.  Everything hurt, not just my head - even my skin hurt, because it felt like someone had grabbed my hair and dragged me.

Where am I?  What is this?  It’s not home - OldMan never locks me up, NEVER.  He wouldn’t dare.

An involuntary cry escaped me.  There was moaning and crying all around.  It seemed as if I was surrounded by a large number of 4Legs and ChaseChomps (Editor:  Arthur means “dogs” and “cats”), all of them terrified and suffering.

Everywhere I heard cries of “I want to go home!  I want to go HOME!”  “Where are my 2Legs?”  “Why am I here?”  And everywhere I heard…”I’m AFRAID…”

I had never smelled so much urine in one place.  And almost every single drop spoke of fear, hunger, loneliness, desperation.

It seemed as if I had descended to the lower levels of Dante’s InFarto!  (Editor:  Arthur once ate a copy of OldMan’s book Dante’s Inferno.  But one can only imagine the flames and sulphurous emissions that erupt from his rear end when he’s upset.)

(Editor's note:  click on above photo to see what a small INFARTO looks like.)

It seemed worse than my worst nightmares when I howl in my sleep and runrunrun on my dog bed but don't go anywhere.  Except that I was awake and not on a nice soft dog bed.  I felt like crying myself.  No OldMan.  No Sage.  Crying and terrible misery all around me.

And then I heard a soft voice next to me:  "Hey, Bud, you okay?  You sound a little rough!"

I couldn't see him because a wall separated us.  And I sure as heck wasn't used to talking to another 4Legs other than to have the usual conversation:  "Shut up!"  "YOU shut up!"  "No, YOU SHUT UP!"  You know how it goes.  It can go on for hours with the 4Legs down the street.

I said, "Huh?  Who's that?"

And this gentle voice said, "HECTOR if I know!"  "Nyuck!"

Dumb joke, I thought.  But I was to find that this character would be essential to my survival and become my good friend.

Yours, Arthur TheBad Airedale

(NEXT:  ESCAPE FROM DOG HELL 2)

WHERE AM I?

Dear Calvin,

I'm starting to think that going with the 2Legs with the stick was not the best idea.

When he pulled me into the back of his "SPCA" truck, I hoped that he was going to take me to my own 2Legs, OldMan.

Instead he pushed me into a cage.  A CAGE!  Me, Arthur TheBad Airedale, IN A CAGE!  Even in my subdued stage I was infuriated.

As I told you before, the truck was dark.  It drove along the streets bouncing around and banging me around the cage.  I threw up a couple of times because it made me so sick.  Of course, that didn't help me feel any better about things...depressed, defeated, alone and covered with vomit.

Finally the truck stopped and the 2Legs with the stick slowly opened up the cage.  He made a face, probably at the smell in the cage.  I don't blame him.

He called to me.  "Come here, Boy.  Come on.  Come on."

I just sat there and glared at him.  Who the hell did he think he was?  Only OldMan can tell me what to do (well, actually I don't even listen to HIM).  So I sat there.

I could smell the anger, even over my own smell.  He reached for a stick - I guess the stick with the rope on it.

When he tried to put the rope over my head, this time I didn't let him.  Snarling savagely as my love Sage had taught me to do, I grabbed the rope and bit through it, then snapped the end of the stick off.

The 2Legs shouted something - I don't know what - then took the shorter stick and hit me right between the eyes.  Things got fuzzy and light, and then I don't know what happened.

When I woke up, it seemed that I was in Dog Hell.

Someone is coming!  When I figure out what this place is, I'll send word.

Yours, 

Arthur TheBad Airedale